Blunderbuss
by Lost Woods
Summary: After the death of his parents, Naruto has a hard time adapting to reality as he stands by the lake. His friends just doesn't understand him and Sasuke... well, Sasuke is nowhere to be found.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

**Blunderbuss**

He was standing by the lake, throwing pebbles into it. His parents had died and nothing he ever did seemed to make the tides of a tsunami appear. And though he was at a standstill on whether to stay where he was or leave the place he'd grown up in, he was sure of the fact that what he needed was someone to talk to. But he didn't find anyone, and so summer turned into fall and leaves littered the ground all around the lake.

His life would have been a miserable story to anyone who didn't know him. He knew better though because there was always someone who had it worse. As summer had ended so had his will to live, but that was no reason to look at things the wrong way; a kick in the butt would make him bounce back. He needed a rebounder and soon. What was it really with everyone thinking he needed time? He had enough time for a long life and unless he started filling it with nonsensical crap he'd end up old and alone and quite certainly without happiness. He did not wish to end up the same way his parents had. Their graves were enough of an elephant in the room.

Naruto needed someone who didn't understand him; someone who wouldn't even try to understand why he was so sad. Not because he was particularly sad, honestly. He was more sort of broken and had a giant hole in his gut. Sad was something people who had broken up with their girlfriend were.

He came back to the lake several times a day trying to understand what he had never understood to begin with. His head told him several things at once, one being that he should sell the house. The other being that he should find that someone who could mend what was broken.

He went to the place by the pier to try and find that someone. What he instead found was Sasuke. Sasuke had been a loner for most of his life, unsettling pretty much everyone in his vicinity. Naruto had been no exception, except he'd been too desperate to actually care. As if he'd been shot in the head with a blunderbuss and not been able to recuperate fast enough.

The sex had been the most amazing thing in the world Naruto had thought while brushing strands of hair away from dark eyes. Had he been realistic he'd known how this would end, but while he kissed his Sasuke feverishly in his parent's bedroom he couldn't see beyond the morning after. They had made love several times in the middle of the night well into the day falling asleep in each other's arms.

What had been the worse part to accept was the fact that Sasuke hadn't said anything before leaving. Not even left as much as a lousy note. That had made Naruto sad. Not because he wanted to have sex with Sasuke again, but because he felt like Sasuke _owed_ him a good bye.

He'd been hanging out with his friends. Kiba, Sakura, Ino and the other ones... They had all been there for him; told him to keep fighting and never give up on life. Sai had even told him that sometimes, something good could come out of something as bad as this; which was oddly nice coming from him. But no matter how long he stayed in their company, laughed at their jokes or talked to them about the latest films, he couldn't let go of the feeling that he'd been let down by Sasuke.

And it was then he realised Sasuke had momentarily made him forget about the real reason for his life-crisis. And it had felt horrible and heavenly at the same time.

He wondered if Sasuke thought about him as much as he thought about Sasuke. If he remembered the taste of pine trees the same way as Naruto did.

**xxx**

Naruto stood by the lake looking at the leaf floating about just a foot away from his own two feet. It was odd considering the fact that it was winter. The snow had arrived but his feelings hadn't changed a bit since fall. His parent's house was to be sold to some rich businessman in need of a vacation home, but that was the least of his problems. He hadn't been longing for Sasuke for a while and had stopped feeling bitter about the whole situation.

He often thought about that night they had shared; how peculiarly comforting it had felt to have someone to give your all.

The lake was small and no one came to it besides Naruto. That was why he was determined to make it a point to come there as often as he pleased; but not as often as he went to the place by the pier looking for Sasuke. And so he walked the round he'd come to know so well: around the house and along the pier to the south and then left by the benches. And then back again.

He had never seen Sasuke again. He wondered if he still remembered the smell of wild flowers and soap that had seemed to follow them from the pier to his parent's house.

He wondered if he remembered the feeling of liberation and strong hands catching them as they fell through the pit of darkness in time.

He loved him; someone he'd never see again. But what was most tragic was the fact that somewhere in Naruto's mind a small voice kept telling him that it all was just a dream.

**xxx**

Winter had invaded the city and Naruto had been sitting on a bench by the pier with Ino. She had a new boyfriend and they talked about him. Neji. He had never met Neji, but from what he had heard from Ino, he had been a mean bastard. Even so, she seemed to like him enough to want him in her life.

Naruto thought about getting a boyfriend too, mostly because it seemed like such a natural thing to do when you had nothing else to occupy your mind with.

Ino told him that if he wanted to she could set him up with one of Neji's friends. Naruto had declined her offer, saying that he didn't want anyone playing matchmaker for him when he could jolly well do it himself. No one needed to meddle in his business.

In the end, Ino had set him up with one of Neji's friends. His name was Shikamaru. He had been nice and they had been eating take-out in Shikamaru's apartment. It had all been pleasant. So had the sex been. Naruto had wrapped his legs around him and pulled at his hair a bit too much, but the feeling hadn't been there. They had barely even kissed each other and when Shikamaru had woken up, Naruto had been gone.

**xxx**

What Naruto hadn't realised was that he couldn't get over Sasuke. If he had, he'd been less likely inclined to have sex with Shikamaru again, despite the fact that they hadn't even seen each other since that first date. That had been two months ago.

What he yet hadn't realised was the fact that somehow, somewhere along the line, grief had turned into longing. Longing for something he thought he could find with Shikamaru. He had wrapped his legs around him a second time, kissed him on the neck and left in the morning.

He gave himself a hard bitch-slap for being so silly; silly enough to have had sex with Shikamaru again.

"What are you doing?" Ino had asked him. He hadn't really known the answer to that question himself. "You seem to think that Shikamaru has no feelings." This was partly true, but he hadn't thought about it before she mentioned it. Perhaps he had thought Naruto was just insecure but wanted a relation of some sort to him. In that case Naruto had been pretty nasty, but at the same time, if he hadn't caught wind of Naruto's unwillingness to build a relation based on their first date, he could pretty much only blame himself.

A lump in Nartuo's throat made him think he didn't want to see Shikamaru ever again.

It was around this time Naruto made a last ditch effort to find what he refused to long for by the pier. He walked by the benches, looking out over the water. Sasuke had told him that he didn't like people in general. They caused him nothing but trouble; unless, of course, they were handsome men who wanted to be fucked by him. In that case Sasuke would deem them worthy of his attention long enough for them to get what they wanted.

In all honesty Naruto couldn't figure out why he had told him this. Perhaps he thought it would have deterred him. To Sasuke, Naruto had probably just been another anonymous man to use as he pleased only to throw away afterwards. Not that he had expected anything else. Or at least should have expected.

This was why it came as a surprise to him to find Sauske standing by the rail looking out over the water looking positively hypothermic in the biting wind. "I was hoping to find you here," Naruto had said.

"Took you long enough," Sasuke had replied and it had seemed as though perhaps, just perhaps, Sasuke had been thinking about him too. "Don't expect anything though; I'm just not that kind of guy."

"What kind of guy are you then?"

"The kind of guy that leaves in the morning and doesn't call."

"What makes you think I expect anything else?"

"The fact that you haven't stopped thinking about me ever since that night."

"How can you tell?"

"I'm not the kind of guy you just forget about."

"You seem to think highly of yourself."

"I'm being realistic; I know I'm better than most guys in bed."

"That's no reason to brag about it."

"Like it would make any difference…"

"It's more the principle of matters."

"Does it turn you off?"

"Would it make any difference?"

"No."

**xxx**

Naruto looked up into the ceiling of his apartment. Light flooded in through the window. He felt empty inside. He knew it was a ridiculous feeling, but he couldn't help but thinking there actually was a dark pit where his stomach should be. Something inside of him would never heal. Something had been broken.

He looked to the window thinking if Sasuke thought about him too; if he remembered the stars shining particularly bright that night. Or if he remembered the smell of snow in their hair when they danced together, looking for a saviour in the middle of winter.

If he knew it was never too late to change?

* * *

_Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving_  
_And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour_

_-Monty Python  
_


End file.
